I’m Off To…….

…… the hippest, hottest city of Seattle. departing from the other hippest, hottest American city of Washington, D.C..  What a charmed life I lead:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703787204574442912720525316.html

Before I take my leave, let me provide you with some sage advice on a few topics.  First, in line with all of that direct advertising by the drug companies to encourage all of us to run out to our doctors and demand the latest, greatest new prescription drug that will alter our lives for the better, here is an item related to women’s health.  Of course while these new pharmaceutical wonders do not have any kind of five year track record as to efficacy or dire consequences, this health tip has been around forever:

Important Women’s Health Issue:

*          Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
*          Do you suffer from shyness?
*          Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.  You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
– Dizziness
– Nausea
– Vomiting
– Incarceration
– Erotic lustfulness
– Loss of motor control
– Loss of clothing
– Loss of money
– Loss of virginity
– Table dancing
– Headache
– Dehydration
– Dry mouth
– And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
*          The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are
whispering when you  are not.
*          The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your
friends
over and over again that you love them.
*          The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can
sing.
*          The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Second topic: why are men happier than women?  Here are a few answers:

Men are just simply happier people, and here is why…
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all of your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!

And finally, before I embark on Alaska Airlines (pray for me), my last words of wisdom are:

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.”

Adieu!!!!!

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One Response to “I’m Off To…….”

  1. lou Says:

    I’ll be slipping 2 margaritas into Joanne’s hot chocolate tonite.

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