The Stupak Amendment really took the wind out of my sails this week. While facing the winds of change, our path has been rocky and disappointing at times. Please read Timothy Egan’s article from the New York Times on just how exactly the times are a-changin’.
Read the whole piece. As a reward for your diligence, I then include a number of items for some comic relief. Heaven knows, we all need humor in our lives. In my own little universe, sometimes a good sense of humor, this time involving jokes of gender, helps me to get through the day. A little retaliation never hurt anyone.
I apologize for my lack of good humor over the last month. My joke editor, Ms. Seven Striper, was out of commission and in the hospital. She is now back home recuperating and thankfully, back on her computer and feeding me funny stuff. Welcome back Ms. Seven Striper!
ONCE A LADY, ALWAYS A LADY
Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.” The lady from the South commented, “Well, isn’t that precious!” The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.. Again, the lady from the South commented, “Well, isn’t that precious!” The first woman continued boasting, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet. Yet again, the Southern lady commented, “Well, isn’t that precious!” The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?” “My husband sent me to charm school,” declared the Southern lady. “Charm school?” the first woman cried, “Oh, my God! What on earth for?” The Southern lady responded, “Well for example, instead of saying “Who gives a shit?” I learned to say, “Well, isn’t that precious!”
Here’s a toast to health care reform and the impeccable logic of those who think it is unnecessary:
MAXINE’S PERFECT SOLUTION TO SENIOR HEALTH CARE
Here is the solution:
While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my sister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution. I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you’re a senior you need to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care.. A new hip? Unheard of. We simply can’t afford to take care of you anymore. You don’t need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let’s take care of the young people. After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.
So here is the solution. When you turn 70, you get a gun and 3 bullets You are allowed to shoot one senator and 2 representatives. Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need! New teeth, great! Need glasses, no problem! New hip, knee, kidney,lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for all of this. The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. And, since you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income tax.
‘I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,’ he said as he surveyed the worried faces. ‘The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.’
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, ‘How much will a brain cost?’
The Doctor quickly responded, ‘$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female brain.’
The moment turned awkward. Some of the men actually trying hard not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.
A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask:
‘Why is the male brain so much more than a female brain?’
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, ‘It’s just standard pricing procedure.
We have to price the female brains a lot lower because they’ve been used.’
This funny is a little naughty, but I couldn’t resist:SUBJECT: ANOTHER GREAT INVENTION FROM APPLE
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.