Just To Keep You Posted

I am regaining my bliss this week.  However, just in case we forget the crazymakers are still circling, read this:

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox  Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.  The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.  It’s funny, as well as informative: 
 

  Dear Dr. Laura: 


  Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law.  I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.  When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. 

  I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them. 

  1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.  Can you clarify?  Why can’t I own Canadians? 
  
 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 
  
 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24.  The problem is how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 
  
 4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9.  The problem is my neighbors.  They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.  Should I smite them?
  
 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.  Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it? 
  
 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.  I don’t agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination? 
  
 7. Lev.
21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here? 
  
 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27.  How should they die? 
  
 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 
  
 10. My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.  Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) 
  
 I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help. 
  
 Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging. 
  
Your adoring fan. 

  
 James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and
Special Education University of Virginia
 
 
(It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian)
  
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6 Responses to “Just To Keep You Posted”

  1. lou Says:

    Just great!

  2. ERG Says:

    Fabulous!

  3. NatalieR Says:

    Yes, I have heard that rendition of Leviticus before. They pick and choose what they want and leave the rest. HYPOCRITES of hypocrites. Dr. Laura once posed nude and it made the internet but oh yes that was when she was oh so young. She’s such a good orthodox maven. BULLS*&^ I heard she stunk at parenting that her kid was wild AND how could someone who like Palin could take care of her kid and be away from them SO much is beyond me. Its SO easy to tell the next guy what to do and not see your own frailties. Hypocrites all.

    So that leads me to my next comment on you following blog:

    What can one say. I think I am speechless. This blog sounds like an Oprah show. Of course self examination i.e. the one who determines just WHO is a crazymaker and why they could never be a crazymaker themselves, right? Dr. Phil used to admonish the crazymakers .. like he was SO wonderful himself. I have read otherwise. Who gives anyone the right to do that and who is so fabulously sane anyway?

    What is that phrase about just who is a crazymaker or the armchair diagnosis of inadequate personality yet? Must be great to have such an adequate personality. Look at the log in your own eye before you look at the speck in the other guy’s eye. It MUST be wonderful to be a sanitymaker. I have yet to find one. It’s been my experience that the ones who THINK they are so sane and well adjusted usually are far from it!

    Obama is NOT a saint. He is human. In his election we expected certain things and we have a right to demand it and call him out when necessary. I contributed to him big time and I couldn’t really afford it for a guy who made five million himself.

    He had an opportunity to make incredible change with the mandate and the congress he had. He has done so in some cases but fallen woefully short in others the most important ones. This leak is not simply a Katrina..he failed in the personnel he chose first in the economic sphere, in the military sphere and now in the Dept. of Interior sphere with MMS..and after Katrina yet. This spill is Katrina times 50. If he dumped Bush III from the beginning the very beginning he would not have half the problems he created for himself. I overlooked a LOT but I have a right to feel the way I feel. He does NOT walk on water and he holds our lives in his hands. He’s a politician first and he has made some bad decisions maybe even catastrophic ones with this spill.

    The spill is UNFORGIVABLE especially in that neck of the woods. Stick around awhile and wait, it will be come to a beach near you! I hope not but I suspect so. Guess I’m not speechless after all. Why does everyone want people to be OH SO cheery beery? How boring. Yeah, life’s hard enough why ignore that fact like we are sipping gin all day long.

    If you can’t stand the heat then ….. you know the rest. Politics is NOT for the thinned skinned I have learned that long ago. Pollyanna I am not and will never be. I don’t know about others you know. Maybe you know some oh so ebullient people. Go for it. If you find any of those sanity makers please do let me know who they are.

    • yomamaforobama Says:

      This was not about you and not about me. Are you my editorial board? I didn’t realize I had one. Sane is one thing —- totally subjective. Happy is another. thing. We can wallow or we can rejoice. We can work with what we have, which is a far sight better than what we did have or could have had, or we can just blame whomever is available today.

      • NatalieR Says:

        Fair enough. I did think it sounded too close for comfort but then again I have an inordinately sensitive streak. There is no DOUBT what we have is incalculably better than what we could have had …. however, we can trust AND verify. It is not enough to say oh well, it could have been McCain/Palin…okay true enough BUT it WASN’T. I COULD have been Hillary and I had no problem with her but it wasn’t. It was Barack Obama and I grew to HOPE he would be effective. Sometimes he is and sometimes he isn’t. It’s been my experience I THINK that if people kvetch about him as I do sometimes low and behold a policy or person in his entourage changes when the base is loud enough.

        I consider people like me the base and I don’t like it when Emanuel says his base does not matter. IT DOES. If the fire behind the candidate goes out so does the candidate.

        Example: Yesterday Huffington had an article about this guy Jonathan Katz who was in the group of heavy hitter scientists studying what to do about the oil gusher. come to find out this puke of a person is the biggest homophobe gay hater and even global warming denier going. When I read the article I saw red. What the hell is a guy doing anywhere near the administration of Obama if he believes that gays should not marry because the “human body was not meant for gay sex.” Now I ask you? Something like that I would EXPECT from team Bush or Palin but NOT from team Obama. I wanted to say okay the human body was not meant for oral sex either but that does not limit PLENTY of heteros from having it. It really wasn’t meant for birth control either doesn’t mean that hets do not use birth control. So you might say who cares as long as he can fix the leak. OH NO said I. I CARED and guess what I wrote to a ton of people AND the White House next thing I knew they fired that tripe. Was it my ranting on the White House page…doubt it but if I were joined by hundreds and Rachel Maddow exposed this crap then MAYBE it helped.

        Have to be vigilant. I was VERY happy they canned him. Perhaps if he were in the Bush administration or a McCain administration they would have promoted him. So thank the goddess for small things.

        Even Obama whom I am thrilled became president STILL must live up to MY expectations. I gave money to him I could not afford and even worked for him when I thought I would fall over carrying a sign. I did it because I cared that much to put my own self at risk. I figured I’d rather be on the ground hit by a car then live with McCain as president. It matters to me what Obama does. I trust him … I THINK but I verify too. Have to it’s in my crazymaker genes. Or maybe it’s the sanest thing anyone can do! 🙂

  4. Middle child Says:

    VERY funny! If you want even more laughs, listen to Richard Blumenthal’s press conference that took place a little while ago. The NY Times “discovered” last night that he did not, in fact, serve in Vietnam, even though in his campaigning he has said (many times) that he did. WELL – in that press conference, he said “I am proud” about a million times. It was embarrassing just to listen t him. Interestingly, he did NOT say he was proud of his service in Vietnam because HE NEVER WAS IN VIETNAM! He admitted that he had “misspoken” on a number of occasions about his service in Vietnam. I think the verb he should have used was he LIED. He comes off as pathetic, dumb, desperate and VERY slimy. Is there anything lower than a politician??

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