Gun-Totin’ Mama

Gotta love the good old U. S. of A.  When times get tough, we never retreat; we just become even more aggressive in the ways that caused our problems in the first place.  Way to go!  Fight fire with fire.

We do not need fewer guns, we need MORE guns.  In typical American fashion, anything worth doing is worth overdoing.  To be shot at and not to shoot back can be perceived as weakness, and Heaven only knows that Americans cannot tolerate a self-image of weakness.  All the potential blood, guts and gore, not to mention the innocence of the victims, should NEVER stand in the way of us showing our “strength”.  Particularly imperative are those marvels of modern technology that allow a shooter to reload with 30 bullets at a clip.

Shall we allow our members of Congress to carry concealed weapons in our halls of government?  Hell YES!  However, do keep in mind that there have been many more students shot by snipers than have elected officials.  Therefore, I am in full support of allowing America’s students to also carry heat.  What?  A twelve-year-old does not embody the maturity, the wise decision-making power, to know when to shoot?  Well, I for one would put my money on a twelve-year-old way before I would do the same for a dottering 85-year old in the Senate.

We would need to institute new requirements for running for office.  As a prerequisite for seeking public office, every single candidate would have to pass a marksmanship test.  No slouchers wanted; only sharpshooters.  If they cannot hit the bullseye at the shooting range, no campaign would be in their future.

Likewise, many schools require mastery in various subjects before a diploma is granted.  Besides the usual three R’s, some schools require that all students pass a swimming test before they are allowed to graduate.  I say, “Let ’em drown.”  Scrap the swimming test and  substitute a gun shot test in its place.   Besides, as far as methods of death go, shooting is much quicker than drowning.  In this way, we would be showing our nation’s youth actual compassion.  Look at it this way: there would be more organs available for donation and fewer kids to educate and insure for health care.  That would be a huge deficit breaker right there.

In fact, I am pretty eager to buy myself a few guns.  Why a few?  Simple: I need at least two guns, one with silver trim and one with gold-tone trim.  Thus, I will have a tastetful gun to go with my silver jewelery and my gold jewelery.  I hate mixing metals.  It is just so tacky.  Further, I just might buy myself a mother-of-pearl inlaid Glock.  White is just perfect for the warmer months and “winter white” is all the rage now.  Plus, I would have to reload only after I have gotten off 30 shots.  Such a time saver.

So folks, let us all celebrate the freedoms we have in this country.  Additionally, let us regale in the non-discriminatory policy that allows everyone to own a gun.  The meager restrictions that are already in place are just for show and are quite easy to dodge.  I am thrilled by this all-for-one and-one-for-all law.  And I am absolutely titallated about the prospect of my impending shopping spree to join the rest of you STRONG Americans in executing this freedom to bear arms.

The more guns, the merrier.  Let no one assail America’s tenet of individual rights.  This country is based on a philosophy that violence begets violence.  If that is what is required for us to maintain our national and international standing, so be it.  We can handle the fallout.  We are tough cookies.  No one should be embarrassed or ashamed of our nature to shoot first and ask questions later.  After all, this is America where we pride ourselves on solving our own problems in our own ways.  Let no one stand in the way of deterring us from our position of strength.  Better to work from strength than from weakness.

Is this a great country, or what?

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2 Responses to “Gun-Totin’ Mama”

  1. NatalieR Says:

    The funniest blog I have ever read!!!

    Reminded me of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.” What makes this blog is so great is that it treats absurdity with absurdity. Maybe it’s more like Theater of the Absurd — Pirandello anyone?

    I agree mixing metals is SO gauche but mother of pearl heck that goes with anything! Cute play on words too. 🙂

  2. NatalieR Says:

    How did our country get this stupid? Heck instead of just a mere Glock maybe we should allow the citizenry to pack a nuke? Now that’ll give off some heat. Sure, I want to be ready for the next revolution that Jefferson said should happen ever 20 years or so. We’re over 200 years too late!

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