Virginia’s Newest and Greatest Theme Park: The Commondearth

Welcome to the nation’s newest theme park: the Commondearth of Virginia!

Our astute and freedom-loving guv, Bob McConnell, has just ruled to allow guns to be openly carried (as opposed to “concealed”, which already has the seal of approval) on the premises of our state parks.  Did you know that in this great state’s parks, it is legal to use alcoholic beverages within the limits of a state park only within the confines of a cabin or camp (tent) site?  But now we will have much more open access to our firepower than we even have with our right to imbibe alcoholic beverages, since the remaining restrictions on our gun-totin’ were removed by McConnell today.   This move, paired with Virginia’s loophole allowing sales at gun shows without background checks, sets the stage for a wild west show that surely will exceed our greatest expectations.  Imagine: partaking in all that our state parks have to offer, plus a couple of six-packs of beer coupled with the absolute freedom to bear arms.  This provides a very conducive atmosphere to the greatest shoot-’em-up show on earth.  The massacre at Virginia Tech a few years ago was nothing compared to what this new, state-wide walk-in-the-park regulation removal may offer.  The  power of the potential fireworks could be stupendous!

Hmmm ….. let’s see.  “Common” means applicable to all of us.  “Wealth” means prosperity for all of us.  Put them together and you have “Commonwealth”, a term used in the title of our state.  Seems to me that there is nothing commonly good or prosperous in extending firearm rights within our state park system.  What?  There hasn’t been enough violence in our schools?  Now we have to extend that gun violence to our state parks, an emblem of a family value kind of place, also?  How utterly self-serving to those who invest in havoc and mayhem.  All in the supposed name of freedom.  The Commonwealth is not only a Commondearth now, but even more appropriately, a Commondeath — of reason, sanity and safety for all Virginians.

Trust me: there is not an iota of meaning in our state’s title of Commonwealth.  Rather, there is a dearth of all of that term’s connotations.  Crappy for the sustainability of a healthy family life, but superb for a joy ride at the world’s most tempting and tantalizing theme park.  Does the mere thought of violence set your hairs on edge?  Are you engulfed in a frenzy of excitement and exhilaration at the prospect of sniper attacks set beneath some of the world’s greatest natural beauty?  Come to Virginia!

If you consider yourself among those who place excitement, danger and risk above the value of our state’s residents, do join forces at any one of our state parks.  Could be the ride of your life.

Adhering to our oath of “liberty and justice for all” (no need to include “safety for all” in that pledge), I am properly attired, armed and am heading to visit my state’s newest theme park.  This pistol-packin’ Mama is all fired up and rarin’ to go.  Care to join me?  If so, don’t forget the six-packs.

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2 Responses to “Virginia’s Newest and Greatest Theme Park: The Commondearth”

  1. NatalieR Says:

    What a far cry from Tim Kaine that jerk governor is. I hope the illness Virginia caught is not contagious!

  2. squigiggles Says:

    dancin’ boots!!

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